Where the road leads to?

All ppl having fun packing, getting ready to go abroad, excited about what lies ahead of us, and i'm sure that's the feeling that all of them will be bringing with them next tuesday. Perhaps, plus some melancholy feelings, missing all the close relatives and friends in M'sia, and even food and weather as well.

I wonder how can i describe my feelings, the percentage of excitement is about...let me see...5%? Sadness? For now a lil, coz i know i'll be seeing them 400 days from now. One year, it's neither long nor short. Anything can happen during this period.

I'm neither excited, happy, nor looking forward, it's plain neutral feelings. I'm really feeling much uncertainty, not of what lies ahead of me in Glasgow, but of what will happen here in M'sia as well as to me and to them.

I started to blame myself, for a fault that's totally not mine, then i started to think, if i chose another way years back, things would have been different. Although i live by my quote, and i dont regret my choice, but i cant help but start thinking, perhaps, just perhaps, i could be the key to everything. Yes, and why must i always be the key to everything, even simple things like a violin performance either at my home town or either in IMU, i'm always the key... Or rather, ppl just love to put me as key, so i'm the one taking the whole responsibility for things.

The Road Not Taken, i still remember that vividly...if you're in my shoe, you cant help but think the same way as i am now. Maybe i should be the one to blame...though i was told it got nothing to do with me at all, but, really???

I already have lots of uban, cant i have a whole full week with nothing to worry about? can i? Ppl will say, tell lar, share with us, will make you feel better, but seriously will you all actually understand? things will be complicated to you coz you wont get the whole picture. Plus, how many ppl can i trust seriously? Insecurity, yes, i'm always feeling that since secondary school, and also recently. I might appear to be independent and reliable to friends, but i must admit that i am not. I DONT TRUST MYSELF AT ALL.

Yes, all close friends say, i'm always optimistic, happy-go-lucky, sometimes it's good to be that way but do they know that actually, being optimistic will only help you to 'act' strong for just that lil moment, it's actually what a coward usually does. The problem is still there. Being happy-go-lucky and optimistic will not solve any problem.

Me myself is amazed by how i could changed in such a short period of time. I've warned them, that i might change anytime. I dont know what will i become. But i think i'm going to be a real katak soon, cold-blooded. Dramatic life, such wonderful encounters, more exciting than watching drama. What has dawned to me, what has happened, and what i met, changes me. But still, to those i love, i will still love you, to those i like, i will still like you, to those i care, i will still care, but i wont find excuses for those ppl who dont deserve them. No more compassion. Life is never fair, no matter how hard i try to make things fair, no...life's never fair to me. Balanced by what i got, and the talents i have? But i was forced to abandon them one by one by fate.

I never completed any of my talents. Violin...how would i know i'll be a better violinist than a pianist? if i knew i wouldnt have started piano at that tender age. And it's just a small town as well. She thought i was a promising student, the second after her music prodigy student from Batu Pahat, and she was certain that even though i cant be a professional player due to my late exposure to the instrument, i will sure go into an orchestra. It still aches me that i will disappoint her. Just look at my fingers, they arent flexible, sensitive and fast enough anymore. Grade 8? i guess my lvl's now only mere pass Grade 6. In addition, i'm so going to have to leave my violin here, in M'sia for more than a year, cant imagine how bad my intonation and aural will be when i next play a violin. 4 months of off and on practicing and i've declined so much...it's never a good choice to put that instrument down, during that critical time, when your skills are at the optimum, and just a few more months of active fiddling, then you're moving towards another phase...

Sigh..i said i disappointed lots of ppl, i do. Painting, another ache. Swimming, worse, when you were told by a professional coach that you're a natural swimmer, and the next week you are so excited you finally get a real coach (instead of daddy, who until now still forbid me to learn Butterfly! and refuse to teach me!!), the STUPID MUAR POOL IS CLOSED FOREVER!! So what can i do? stay away from pools, til i'm a little afraid of water now. Skating, nope we couldnt afford that plus we're not capable of travelling up to KL just to learn that. Given chance i wont be joining St. John and shouted til my voice coarse...Piano, it somehow disappointed my teacher only i guess, for i chose violin and drop piano coz i was allowed to pick one instrument at a time. Sigh, i cant even hold the calligraphy pen straight now, Uncle Chee will be glad that he never had a student like me.

Upon looking at what i been through, i can only say, things happened for a reason. Things that are not mine to worry about, still bother me much, things that are my own to worry about, will persist so, until i die i think. I pray hard, for nothing to happen, for granting my wish, and just let things go my way can?

Now i think i need to worry about my studies, i've been hibernating very long dy, the marks are just horrendous. I need something to push me. Please for the first time in my life, please be serious about studies. No more last minute readings. AND I MUST MEMORISE ALL THINGS BECAUSE SERIOUSLY UNDERSTANDING IS REALLY NOT ENOUGH IN MY COURSE ANYMORE. MISS C, JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE TO MEMORISE THINGS DOESNT MEAN YOU DONT NEED TO!! TWICE READINGS BEFORE EXAM WILL ONLY LEAD YOU TO 'HELL'! Please God, dont send me any temptation during my stay in Glasgow, let me be void of entertainment!! ARHHHHH....

Enough crappiness... now i need to do thinking....

Check my kitchen post: simple recipe

I wish tomoro, i will fit into that dress...and she better get it done tomoro.

Lots to blog but i'm lazy, maybe hmm...tomoro lar lol.

These few days, i'm happy being a sidekick in the kitchen, mum and aunt just love to have me and 'nag' bout how to cook this how to cook that, well i know they love to cook and bake and having me helping them wash, slice, cut, fry etc etc...ahaha.

But really enjoyable. Learned new stuffs.

Oh yaya, today, i makan 28 prawns!!! I just LOVE seafood!! I'm craving for crabs...daddy~~~ faster cook me my favourite crabs lar~~~
Thanks to aunt, very kind of her to cook me prawns. Ahh...maybe no prawns for me for more than a year starting next month!!

Later will blog more, if i have the mood, i'm so into some songs and movies now, and streamyx is really really getting more and more disappointing.....faster faster, move faster please!!

Torrents, seeds, leeches, i need more~~~~

I need not to think tonight...

Thousands of thoughts running cross my mind today, and i'm getting very very ''fan".

Now, let's see what can i do to drive myself crazy...

Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
-hmm, ppl can see stars blinking at night, you try ask anyone that are in the dark, that somewhere around them there's wet paint and i assure you that most of them will not touch but will walk cautiously to avoid, plus...they will believe it.

How can there be self-help “groups”?
-it's called so because they cant really self-help when they're alone, but they can when they're in 'groups'

Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dog's face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
-i didnt know that, but i guess that's because you have bad breath

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
-i dont know, as long as it's something you can see and touch, it'll be popular, maybe this is true for the first question too.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
-hmm, maybe it says 'human', because when human take pics they say cheese.

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
-i think tenty one sounds better than onety one.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
-for us to help lar >.<. If there's no 'others' there wont be the word 'help' in the dictionary, if according to your question.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
-good question. The fifth one sure enjoys it.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
-this is so that the ancient scientists could have a job and so that they'll know man evolved from monkeys and apes. Understand? so they could compare!! and win Noble Prize.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
-i think i'd like to squash the bread before i slice it, always very tempted when i see freshly baked bread lol.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
-they have to because they're synchornized, on the other hand, swimmers dont drown easily, swimming is a skill that'll be stored as long term memory like driving, even if you've lost all your memories, if you were thrown into a pool you wont drown, easily.

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
-that's to make sure that you dont sue the company if it's not sour anymore after the expiration date.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
-i'm a winner in failure.

Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
-who cares, as long as the sound 'roid' is there, it always means something foreign and shouldnt be there?

Phew! This is very syok, to see my lameness gaining a higher level!! Dont think when doing this, just type after finish reading the last word of every question.

I'll do more blogging, coz i got requests!!

Chatted with a few friends online:-

Gals do really need to learn to be good painter, if and only if they love to 'ban leng'. Look at those colours!! OMG the price is seriously crazy, and the time spent!! One make up took you half an hour??!!

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I think maybe i have some super power!! Simply guess that V Co actually has a bear and yup! Bingo! he really does have one, only that...only that...it was given to him during convo lol.

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No baby face please...ok, maybe the look doesnt matter, the character matters the most lol. But still, i prefer macho, tall, cool, manly, guy. Ahh yesterday i was watching this Hindustan movie (i just love it, the music, the colours, the dancing, the culture). I know just the one the fit all those traits i mentioned, Hrithrik Roshan, though i never liked him before, always perfer those Khans over him(Shah Rukh's still my favourite, Salman so so, Ali Saif as well, Aamir is a good actor!), but yes he's the man lol. Ops sorry, pretty boy is allowed, once in awhile, ONLY!

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This gal, i think she's falling, or maybe she's just lonely? *sob..sob...* do you know that i'm a
'victim' of hers? She came to chat because the 'him' she wanted to chat with wasnt online, not because she missed me, and she was frust that why she has to be the one to start the conversation every time? and why he acted like endah tak endah like that? Poor gal haha. Dont deny it dear, it's good to fall and to like somebody. So, JUST ADMIT IT, THAT YOU LIKE HIM!! If not you wont be so emo when he's not online, cared so much if he thinks you're very crappy and boring etc...oh ho ho another 'lovely' case!! But it doesnt matter if he doesnt msg you first, i think sometimes, action speaks louder than words, what is done is way better than what is said haha. Wait, to think another way, if he just doesnt care to msg you, either he's a super big chicken that you can dump and cook curry, or that he's not interested at all. I do think that if a guy is interested, he would have msg you instead of waiting for you to do so.

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*different gal from the above* Another thing, i found out that Chinese-ed guys and English-ed guys, they are very different. I was told english-ed guys and gals, they're quite secretive, and it's hard to guess what's on their thought when it comes to expressing their feelings. I've only encountered chinese-ed guys, and they really are straightforward...they either stare at you long long, they will give you love letters, they'll confess, or they'll give you gifts once in awhile for no reason, or when they're younger, they actually buy you gifts every single day!! Sweet right? Ahaha, you should see those love letters!!(now i'm a bit regret that i throw mine away a month ago lol...but no matter, that was then, and they wont serve any purpose for me in the future as well, dont call me cold blooded katak ya) Chinese-ed guys, they're just adorable haha, and they do crazy things for love. That is the spices in the road of relationship and life, arent they? That's why i was in awe that english-ed guys are so so so so different when i was told LOL. ( n to this special girl, u really should have get the contact number!! n there's nothing wrong for a chinese-ed and english-ed to be together, my own parents are one example lol ) All the best!

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Sigh, young adults, they're always surrounded with relationship problems, or is it just recently? Anyway, all the best to all of you, muaks haha. An hour of chatting makes me not so sien dy. Going back to finish that vest!! {it was originally an idea to give it to my future bf, but i think now my bro needs it more, and since i do not have much nod from Mr Cash, so i can only afford normal synthetic strings. But it'll be just nice for M'sia's weather. Ahh, the front part not yet started!!}



P/S: Wool strings cost RM 15 per yarn, and that vest needs 9 yarns and perhaps at least 2 weeks of nonestop knitting!! Synthetic nylon cost me RM 1.50 or RM 2 per yarn only hehe, lokek me!!

There's no need to say goodbye yet

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

~Regina Spektor: The Call~

Life's been interesting???

I went to KL and will do so again, next week.

I gained weight, again, and i dont think any normal guy will be able to carry me, at all. Though all ppl said i looked slimmer, but that balance showed 'staggering' digits!!!

I was pissed with a pig and i still am.

Life was hectic, i also dont know why it was so, and i'm busy not for myself.

I havent arrange my PP3 case presentation.

I havent touch anything educating.

I got something i totally dont deserve. But it's very cool.

I wasnt showing decent manners recently, and i wonder why. Signs of losing lots of patience, maybe that reason that i'll leave untouch is the main reason for my bad demeanor.

I dont like to disappoint ppl but i guess i will in the end gua >.< pokok jambu at the back of the house. Hmm, now which b*****d cat got her pregnant??? I wanna kasi it!!

Dad's been using lots of chinese proverbs recently, i'm quite impressed, although most of the time, either the nahu's not correct or he just simply fill in the 'blank' with anywords he feels like, or even, a 4-word chinese proverb will become a super long 10-word proverb, like he did last night LOL.

I think i've been affected by one trait of those shopaholics, coz though i looked so fat in that gown (more appropriate to name it a dress), i bought it because i think it's cheap. And ya i think it's cheap. Damn i looked like an opera singer in black, that usually walks onto the stage in a single file...

I need laxatives i guess if i wanna lose some weight, any brands for recommendation?

I'm in fear of the number 6!!

I fear to touch my baby, for 2 months dy, sad, i wont be able to bring her with me, I SERIOUSLY NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT!! And someone, please boost my passion, Khee Chun? LingWei? Anyone...with strong interest in music will do, please!!

I think that i am cold, now. Ppl are so busy sorting and clearing their feelings and doubts, i just ignore everything. Is this good or bad? The heart that burns brightly, but the eyes that flicker coldly.

Something that's in the blood, is something that's very confusing at times.


I cant think of my other recent updates, or i just too lazy to dig in now, just write anything that come across my brain. Hmm, i'm looking forward to see that traditional costume, since i handpicked the design and cloth meself. But..but..BUT...I NEED LAXATIVES!!!!!

Why?

Why did that happened?

It was stated there that i could collect my visa on 07 May 2008, but why did they update the site 2 DAYS later? If i knew i could collect on Wednesday, i would have been sleeping in my own room by now, waiting to celebrate Mother's Day this Sunday, packing my luggages, or even start planning for what i'm going to do for the last month in Malaysia.

And thanks to them, that I've wasted 2 days, 48 HOURS, and going to waste another 48 HOURS because tomorrow's Saturday and the next day's Mother's Day, so they ruin my nice weekend!!

Thanks to them that i had been talking in bad terms to my mum and thanks to them, i am sick!!

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Why i still dislike this kind of gals? They just make me feel that they have no lifes. Once and again, i heard stories bout gals that actually rejected guys but still flirting madly with them even though they've hurted those guys, pity you guys. I wouldnt have believed that if i didnt read it with my own eyes.

But true, i've seen lots of gals of different races, love to toy guys and are proud to actually share that out loud.

Perasan-ness lol. I wonder, later when those guys grow older, and more mature, will they actually laugh at their silly act and be grateful that they didnt get together with such gals?

Oh, why my baby can only be the centre of attraction when i'm with those classical babes? My baby is more pretty and good mannered than those gals i assure you lol.

---

Watched a nice comedy romance today. And i quite like the phrase used: 'Love is like playing Starcraft'. (Well i didnt really play Starcraft before, but i think lil' bro for sure played before.)

Love is like a strategy game...true i guess, the game of emotional manipulation? lol but the problem is, if everyone is holding that concept in their minds, then how exactly are we going to enjoy the process of being in love? Wouldnt it be very tiring? Being pretentious in a relationship, wouldnt that be very troublesome? Some ppl might thing that having such relationship is fun but for me, i prefer to make things clear and simple. Honesty and trust is what matters.

It is always easy to fall in love, but it is very hard to stay in love...the best solution (for me)?? Fall in love with my baby and music, for they always love me lol!! Ah...once and again i miss my baby...

For someone

For someone who just turned 22 on 7th of may, happy (belated) bday once again, and thanks for the wonderful bday party dinner, and just as what hell belle heard, yup, you got the first and second hug lol.

For someone who just got into a relationship, all the best, i'm happy for you and keep having faith. And i'll always remember this, 'you'll never know til you try'.

For someone who are still struggling with him, have faith, even though i'd love to murder him for you. Guess you'll murder me if i manage to do so.

For someone who nearly pissed me off tat day, we can see that you're very self-centered, we love you still, coz all of us are open to anyone who are interested in us. A good friend as we can see, lover? we doubt so. Grow up dude!!

For someone that cheered today, i have a secret to tell you, well things are getting complicated, but i guess i wont have to tell you that soon. And i hope i wont need to tell you one day.

For someone whom i hurt, maybe badly, i'm really sorry, and sorry to your dear that i did that to you. I just dont get the point. If every decision i made seemed wrong, tell me what you desire. Silence doesnt mean i dont care. We know things are always out of our control, no point having extra anxiety. And i am just having bad temper all because of you. That's because i care, for others, i dont even bother to get angry at all. I'm sorry once again. I'll try to improve. I know i've been very disappointing. I love you, and nothing can change that.

For someone whom i subconciously missing for no reason, i just wish to say sorry i didnt tell you that i'm back, but i'm unhappy that you reply my msg super slow, and one msg every few weeks is kinda disheartening. I know you're busy. Those are the reasons why i am not interested to tell you that i'm back. And you ffk me i think at least 3 times dy (sweat)... but still lol, i still respect and admire you much. One day we'll have a cup of tea and talk bout our interest.

For those who still waiting for me somewhere here and there, i'm sorry, too busy to suck some time out for you guys. Will try to reach you all soon. I promise.

For someone whom i am disappointed with, i know something few days ago, which, plus recent events, really rob me off all good impressions i had on you. Be honest to yourself, and be honest to others, if not, when something's beyond repair, then that's your day of judgement, though i doubt that it'll affect you much, as arrogant is always in your genes.

For someone with the emotional range of a teaspoon, i hope you can loosen a bit your heart, try to see things the other way, maybe that'll help. Honestly, the world doesnt revolve around you always.

For someone who's miserable now, i hope you'll learn to grow up, and be more independent.

As stubborn as usual

Just had an interesting conversation with one of my old classmate, Wen Han.

It's been awhile since i last had this kind of conversation, bout boy-gal.

Hmm, how did it started? Oh ya, was chatting bout me going oversea to complete my course, then he was very kind to remind me not to 乱乱来，meaning dont mess around(he meant not to have one night stand) LOL.

Ah then in my opinion, for a gal that's still single at the age of 20, plus with my common look and pear shape figure, it's well, hard haha. Although well, nothing's certain in this world. Who knows i get despo one day right? (bet that's what he was thinking)

But my stronger reasons (and stubborn still) are that,

1. I dont like loud noisy music
2. I dont like crowded place
3. I dont like club or bar and just not interested
4. I dont like the environment
5. I cant dance
6. I cant drink and dont like alcohol
7. Prefer to sit home, listen, surf and read
8. Prefer to go watch opera or classical concert

So since the interest is not there, and as stubborn as i am, it's very 'highly likely' that i'd go clubbing right?

It's true that if every gal's like me, no guy will wanna step into a club, that's why i'm kind of a freak compare to majority of my female coursemates. Just look at them, pretty, make-up, slim, shopping, earrings, gossips, smarts. They all have the same traits. I've notice gals nowadays seems to move towards that direction, no? But dont blame me Wen Han, coz i just lazy to follow and some more, i am rebellious, i just like to be odd and be myself. I just hate to shop, and cant believe why a gal can spend one hour in shower, almost 2 hours to dress up and put makeup? 2 HOURS!!

Women cant be lazy? yes i can. It's true i've been finding excuses all these time, because i know i will remain single, thus i say, when i find a bf, then i will try to dress up. But i'm still conservative, even if i have something to show, i still wont fall into the norm and dress so lil just in the public. I do know that man have to be entertained, so i only entertain my boy or husband can gua lol. And those guys out there, they have so many pretty gals to entertain them, so i need not worried if the male species will be bored.

And i do believe that, in my present form if any guy is interested, i can be assure that i can have faith in him to love me for who i am, not for what i am. Guys nowadays, or lets put it this way, guys my age, well, most of them rely on their eyes, treatment i got is highly different from treatment those pretty gals got, the outer shells are more important than the inner ones for them. I've seen cases how those guys are so willingly to be a slave for those gals, 'yes' to all their desire, even though some of them are attached. And those gals, too flirtatious dy >.<

How i analyse a guy? first from how they treat the lay people. Then how they treat the more superior ppl. And the kind of friends and gals he mixes with. A guy, who may look good, smart, and/or rich, might ended up being a disappointing species for me. Humans, we rely much on first impression which usually is very wrong and inaccurate. Handsome guys are always eye candies, and that's all for me, they are those ppl who will brighten up your day, if you manage to catch a glimpse of them, hasten your blood circulation a bit or put some butterflies in your stomach. What's more important is how he treats those lay ppl, if he doesnt care, then this kind of guy has personality problems. I believe birds of a feather flock together. Look at those friends of his and you can roughly guess his characters. Additionally, the kind of gals he mixes with will tell you his preference. And... and... if you know the kind of gal he dated before or has/had a crush on, the highly likely the next gal he gets will be of same kind. I do not know how true this can be but that's what i observed. And that is why i answered Wen Han, if i had to choose between him and Beckham, of course i rather choose him, someone whom i know better, and someone whom will be more willing to let me understand him better.

I do believe that, if a guy is really interested in a gal, he would have at least, well, for eg., text her for no reason. Of course the way ppl express their interest is different but i do believe, text msg will be more intimate than msn no? Even the most timid guy would have make a move if they're serious. So gals, dont waste your time. And some guys, they only love themselves. Self-centered creatures. So dont be bothered bout that.

Well, i'm not saying that all guys are like that, i've had quite a number of medic friends, males and females, who are rich, talented, good looking etc. They are those ppl i really will appreciate them more. Not only they're humble, friendly and kind, they're willing to help and they are fair to all sorts of ppl. Now that's really worth giving praise.

And it's always fun to be lay ppl i tell you, because you learn more things than those popular or superior ppl. You see things differently, learn about other ppl differently and in the most honest way.

Still, i'm stubborn and refuse to change even though i'm not happy with my current figure. Well, maybe i try to lose some weight before i take flight lar. It's those pretty gals job to entertain guys and be entertained, mine is to watch and just be myself. Seriously, some guys, as time goes by, you'll be mesmerised by them, some, you just cant help but keep on minusing marks. The kind of guy who's perasan is the one i cant tahan most. And sorry that i will actually make them more perasan just to have fun lol.

Like i always said, i am evilll lol and naughty.

Things will never be the same anymore...

lil thing, that was never significant to me, that had never occured in my mind before, is going to change my world forever.

suddenly i have to see and treat everything in a new perspective.

i am in fear...hopefully just for now.

all the plans i once fantasized about, all the possible outcomes i once drawn, will soon be rendered impossible.

something i thought i could reach, approach, touch, achieve, etc...seem a thousand miles away.

ahh...never thought it'll be that dramatic, but now my life is all about dramas...

this is not an emo post, this is a real, serious post and i'm not exaggerating bout everyting i just blogged about.

i just wish that they will be blessed.

i need to set new rules from now onwards. New sets of principles.

and i will take it to the grave with me if possible.

Did a personality test, here's the link:

http://www.personalitytest.net/cgi-bin/q.pl

Here's the results: I am an ENFP

ENFPs have a tendency to overextend themselves in both their physical and emotional commitments. Their proclivity to procrastinate and to overlook details complicates their circumstances. ENFPs often move on to new ventures without completing those they have already started. Their charming personalities can show signs of irritability and over-sensitivity when their desires to please different people come into conflict. During times of stress, ENFPs feel alienated. They then engage in deceptions that serve to obscure what is occurring within themselves.

The ENFP finds symbolic meanings behind the immediate circumstances. These meanings are construed as foreboding problems when ENFPs are under stress. Having a pervasive feeling of losing control over their own independent identities, ENFPs will feel virtually split apart by intruding circumstances. They will be "besides themselves" and "just not all there" — as if something, or someone, has taken away the essence of who they are. Not feeling like themselves, the ENFP will become subject to their own feelings of shame for being a phony, a fake or an impostor. If stress continues to grow, they may attribute malevolent schemes to others in order to explain away their fears.

Careers:

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

conference planner
speech pathologist
HR development trainer
ombudsman
clergy
journalist
newscaster
career counselor
housing director
character actor
marketing consultant
musician/composer
artist
information-graphics...designer
human resource manager
merchandise planner
advertising account manager
dietitian/nutritionist
speech pathologist
massage therapist
editor/art director

Forbidden to Do These...

Ironically...

1. I wanna cut my hair short short...but Laura and Jen forbid me gao gao...
2. I wanna tan my skin black black, coz if i manage to pass my finals, i'll have at least 13 months to simpan putih-putih, but i'm not allowed...(plan to do it curi-curily)
3. Uncle bought me 36 black sesame soft cakes, but mum forbids me to eat...
4. I wanna move out on 12 of April, but once again, they want me stay til May...I thought they'd wanna spend more time with me??
5. I wanna achieve a higher level of lameness, at least as high as Joshua but Hell Belle hopes i better dont. Reason: Coz it's very cham for ppl who are talking to me...
6. There are a few things i wanna get, but stupid Mr Money just wont let me...
7. I wanna start my drugs list...but my moo~~d says no...
8. So many plans...but Lady Luck said no, so i cancelled 5 plans so far across 1 week!!
9. .......................................

oh kami ah, tasukete!!

I'm Listening for the Weather

So I'm listening for the weather to predict the coming day

Leave all thought of expectation to the weather man

No it doesn't really matter what it is he has to say

'Coz tomorrows keep on blowing in from somewhere

All the people that I know in the apartments down below

Busy with their starring roles in their own tragedies

Sunlight sends you on your way

And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday

Never be afraid of change

I'll call you on the phone

I hate to leave you on your own

But I'm coming home today

And this busy inner city

Has got nothing much to say

And I know how much you're hanging round the letterbox

And I'm sure that as I'm writing

You'll be somewhere on your way

In a supermarket checkout or the restaurant

I've been doing what I'm told

I've been busy growing old

And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Sunlight sends you on your way

And those restless thoughts that cling to yesterday

Never be afraid of change

I'm coming home today

Yes I'm coming home today

I've been doing what I'm told

I've been busy growing old

And the days are getting cold but that's alright with me

Never be afraid of change

Smooch~~

Chilling after a long day, in front of the square solid box...

Eyes popping out due to long stare at the screen...

Turned my gaze to the nearest living creatures that are in front of me, the 2 tortoises...

To my surprise, i saw them watching me at first...

The one to the left was swimming a bit...

Then...

Suddenly...

The left's turned to the right, and smooched it...

Not kidding here...

It looked at the right's, then approached and kissed it!!

Cute and adorable, pity didnt get to capture that...

The right's look awhile at the left's lol, as if a bit dumbfounded...

Love's in the air above the small aquarium there...

Should tell Merv bout this tomoro, when he gets back and if i still remember and if he's not too tired to listen to me...

Sweet old days...

Kites

Rollerblades

Frisbee

Seashells

Marbles

Feeding chicks

Gasing

Barbie dolls

Lego

Beaches we've been to

Sunway Lagoon, Water World

and various sports taught by daddy...

Ah...i can see kids flying kites from my balcony, on IMU hill...revisited by sweet childhood memories...how i miss those days...i wonder how many city kids actually know how to fly a kite?!(ok this might be too much LOL...)

Highlights of The Day

How they broke my heart~~T.T
Were discussing where to have our dinner
Me: wait, wait, when we in strathclyde that time, my bday, i want everyone come and i wanna...(not even finished, my sentence...)
Puileng: ehem.. we are discussin bout kok pim's bday...
Jeannie: I didnt catch taht sorry

Me having non-linear body weight?
Jeannie: Because carolyn has non-linear body weight (muttering)
Me: What? What is that? what is non-linear body weight? Why?
Jeannie: Because you can starve for 2 days without eating and not looking any slimmer at all...
Me: My best record was 4 days, camp during Form 2. They bloody ruined the kitchen we built, and the rain was too heavy and damaged all our food...thus...only milo for the meals...
(what exactly mean by non-linear body weight? figure it our yourself)

1, 2, 3, 8, 10, 15!!??
1=KFC, 2=ticket, 3=skating treat, 8?=jeannie will think of something nice for moi, 10= my target, jen said it's too much, 15= jeannie's target.
(this is our lil agreement)

How to avoid getting annoyed by the frequent shutting of toilet door (if you were fated to take the one near the toilet)
Vivi: One ppl only sh*t once per day mar, so 4 times per day lor...not that bad lar...
Edmund: I thought sh*tting business will be done in campus wan?
(orh... now we know edmund only sh*t in the campus toilets)

Who will cry the most during the day of our flight?
KokLiang: I'll cry from the moment i am in the car coming to KL
Me: I wont cry in front of them(parents) gua, after boarding the plane then cry lor...
Edmund: (unexpectedly) I think i'll cry the most gua (everyone laughing, because is that likely? Just funny to think he cries lol)

How Jen and Vivi can laugh so hard bout my lame joke~
Vivi: i wanna bring videocam and record all our expressions before boarding the plane
Jen: i doubt you'll be free to do that
Me: dont worry lar vivi, just attach the videocam on top of your head so you can pack while recording all ppl's expressions
(and i dont know why they laughed so hard, maybe the thought of ppl with vidcam attached on their head was funny)

About cooking utensils, how many rice cooker should we bring?
All were having mixed conversation...suddenly...
KokPim: We buy cooking utensils to cook BIRD NEST there lar~~
(everyone roaring in laughter and sweating as well)

How i hope to see half naked Edmund LOL
Edmund: Why need to buy so many rice cooker? Can use pan mah...
Vivi: Then maybe you should use wood to cook lol
Me: Ya, then early in the morning, we can see edmund, half-naked, carrying an axe and chopping woods on the ground in front of our hostel...
(the thought of him doing that is hilarious lol)

Bout housemanship
(suddenly)
Edmund: I dont wanna do housemanship in sarawak mar, so the only way is to get married with an Ipoh wife so i can stay in Ipoh...
Edmund: So... i wanna have a pseudo marriage with laiyee!! (...shocking news)

Bout bathing, laundry.
Me: Cant tahan lar, not bathing in the morning..
Edmund: So cold wont sweat de lar...
Kok Liang: Ya lor...
Jen, vivi: Heard no place for us to sidai kain, they use washing machine and dryer there...
Kok Liang: Ya lor if wanna cuci, have to do it curi-curi in the toilet(is that a crime? cuci kain? OMG i never knew handwashing clothes will actually breaks the law...why am i not arrested yet til now?).
Me: Must be expensive lar using those washing machine...
Kok Liang: No need de lar, there so cold, just sidai your baju in your room and let it dry, wont have any bad smell wan...we guys very chinchai wan...
(now we know we should never step into a guy's room)

Me, being minority
Me: Laiyee, i'm afraid i'll really get married at the age of 21, like what we predicted using our teacher's engagement ring lar (tat was when i was 10 years old lol)
Vivi: Good lar, they're all angmo (meaning red hair in hokkien) and they love minority mar.
(so i'm really the minority...)

How Kok Liang's expression ended the dinner
All ppl discussing bout politics...Kok Liang being the loudest and cant seem to speak totally in chinese (those DAP, BN, blah blah blah and those politicians' names)
Me: Can you use fan dui dang for DAP?
Jen: Ya, you shouldnt be that obvious...(and he was abit intimidated by both of us)
~suddenly, kok pim came from his back and bent down so fast and close to his face that he actually...squeaked and jumped from his chair, LOL that expression was classic!!)

Ambivalent feelings

EOS's finished, the moment Mr David Chong announced that we can all stop working, i had a grin so wide on my face, because i can smell of 'freedom' in the air. Then i was high for few minutes, despite my aching stomach.

Happiness doesnt last long usually. Just when i thought the paper was fine, then everyone came pouring on me how tough the paper was, bursting my bubbles one by one. Checking the modules and MEP just made things worse. Being a chicken as usual, the instance i found that i got 2 wrongs out of the 2 questions i checked, i gave up and just snapped the book close and fearing that how much i actually did wrong that will really lead to another failure!! Cant blame anyone, as i really studied 66 pages, the rest...was sleeping(ehemm, resting) time~~ andDD3 was worse!!

The next moment i was happy again, as my stomach did feel better and the diarrhoea was actually gone.
got fever and gastric since wednesday and because of the latter, i cant even eat anything for the past 2 days. Ate 6 sachets of TCM for the past 24 hours which just eased the pain abit. All my Smecta expired...T.T and i cant find the ranitidine my dad bought me... i was so dizzy and in pain that i was really like a vegetative patient. Lying on the bed, for whole day. Even found it difficult to walk and sit properly. Then thursday afternoon, gastric persisted and diarrhoea followed. Every 2 hours, i had to visit my dear o'toilet! My cater, i could only throw them away, as i cant eat at all those spicy food and saving them has no use. No housemates, Merv's in Cambodia, Tracy's back at hometown. Luckily this morning, Jeannie reminded me something, 100PLUS!! why it didnt occur to me that i can still drink that to balance the electrolytes in my stomach? Though walking towards the shop was a torment. I had to confess, that i wasted a lot of food for the past 2 days. 2 meals was thrown away, the porridge this afternoon was barely touched, the 2 glass of milk i 'bancuh' all half touched, even the 100PLUS was not finished...
Then we were happily discussing bout where to have our meal in conjuction with Kok Pim's Bday tomoro. I was drooling madly when i saw the Kenny Rogers menu. Quarter meal + macaroni & cheese + mashed potatoes + BBQ baked beans + chocolate muffins (thought not a fan of chocolate). Yum~~however,...how-ever, the moment i sapu the muffin, i can feel the protest of my stomach, complaining that i didnt give it enough rest, ranting that i had picked the wrong meal. Couldnt even finish the whole meal. Thanks to Kok Liang, for not wasting my food. Then i go back to bad bad mood again. Walking around the shopping mall for bout half an hour seemed like limping in agony along an endless corridor for me. Back to the state where i cant walk and stand straight...

Sigh~~ suppose to love this day, when i regain my freedom again, but hate the feelings of how i sucked at all my papers and how my stomach has grown weaker by the day. This is the worst exams i ever took. Worse than last semester, though i'm more hardworking during this sem's study weeks. I tengok pecah dy, if need to resit, let it be. History will be made this time. What i worry most is, how i will break my parents' hearts when they know i fail...takde muka to ask money from them to pay for the resit...even though they'll never let me pay on my own. Even if i did not fail, the marks will be horrible...really...blame myself for never trying to be serious in my studies. Blame the stupid idea of being a perfectionist, blame Sem 2, blame meself for being a lousy daughter and student. It's too late to regret.

Perhaps, my dear arch enemy, if you were here, i'll wake up from my hibernation, and start fighting again, start to be serious again, instead of letting laziness overwhelmed me...i lost the mood to do everything...soon, i'll either descend the stairs of evolution to become a pig, or i'll just transform into a zombie...i shall not hold on to the whole perfectionist concept anymore, if not, it's really going to killing me soft and steadily...

When was the last time?

I cant remember when was the last time i shedded a tear or two?

Yesterday was the day. If it wasnt for what happened the day before i wont be that sentimental.

The day before was bad. Seemed like everyone wanted a pieces of me. (i'm ranting badly)

1. How i wish some girls can stop bitching and digging for gossip. You want gossip? i'll give you tonnes of fake ones. Dont ever come to me and pretend how innocent and friendly you are but from all the lines you gave, you're just trying to dig something from me. If you wanna hint something, sorry my brain are just too blunt to catch that and if you have something to tell me, just say so. I hate the guessing game. How i pray all the gals in the world would stop gossiping and if they love to backstab, just as long it's not my back i'm too willing to get some popcorns and watch.
2. A phone call that wanted me to help despite that i cant help at all as the person involved can very well do that by himself. She was just too anxious bout everything.
3. Another bad experience. When things concern bout money, even the nicest ppl would sure turned into the nastiest. Didnt say i have to give 2 months notice before i moved out and didnt signed any contract, so it's not a written statement but well the landlord suddenly decided to have that rule so what am i gotta do? Stay in vista til May? And it's very unreasonable for him to said so.
4. Another phone call that really stressed up my day. For one mere performance, i had told him that i'm having finals and i really dont want to perform. How he can dragged on the phone for so long, and when i said i really dont wish to do so, accusations followed. I dont really understand why? Why when other violinists wish not to perform, they can get off pretty clean, and when it's me, it's always my fault my problem and my inconsideration? Yeah right i was given one pseudo-reason, that's for being a good violinist. I said i didnt study much i need to do so and am a better night person, but then he reasoned that i wont be studying for the whole day and night and that one hour wont seriously kill me. One hour, you sure it's going to be one hour? Whatever, i can never win in any quarrel. And i still hate it. You want me to do things your way, first respect and do things my way. Dont take my presence for granted. Know that you need me and then respect comes first. I'm not a doll or puppet where i have to obey every strings you're pulling.
5. Minor things that i dont wanna share now.

I tried to study yesterday but nothing goes into my grey brocolli. I know it's all my fault, being too lepak can be very bad. Push every module to the study weeks. Blame myself if i fail. But at the mean time i only pray that i'll pass. This is not the reason i shredded my tears. I hate myself for being weak in all matters concern those ppl i care and love.

With all those bad thoughts still wandering in my mind, i thought it would be better to hear some familiar voices since i've been alone for too long dy.(And i'm going to be so for another 12 days.) He was diagnosed with HF a few years ago. I still remembered the fear i had when Mr David Chong said the survival chance for these patients are 50% after 5 years. Countless times i been to visit him in hospital, learning bout his progression. Yesterday i know i'm the only person he shared his latest disease progression. His heart swells more and his kidney's failing. I was really in fear. To think that i'll be away from him til 2009, to fear that he'll leave me one day, then all the bad emotions came in, then i just let fear engulfed me, and start letting my tears loose. But thank god laura's msg came. Joining them for awhile eased me, really thank them. Thanks hungjen for the nice joke as well. :P Thus my tears only ran for a few minutes? haha

I'm like a misery-keeping-chest. All relatives treat me as their own daughter, and they share things with me, i am happy to be able to ease their worries for awhile. But sometimes it's just too much, to see my grandma crying in my arms, to listen to my aunt's sickness and how she refuse to take medication etc., and to feel so hopeless and so useless coz i cant do anything to help.

It's bad, i get too sentimental for ppl i care and love. Too emotional, too weak...these traits, i can never let go. Sometimes it's very hard for me. I cant tell anyone, because it'll just bring worries to others. I choose to swallow everything, choose to be extremely optimistic. But still my emotional range has its limit. Especially when i'm alone for too long...no one to talk too. I will let myself dwell in those worries for no reason. For the first time, i really wished someone i know, anyone, was with me yesterday, hug me for awhile, tell me it's ok, dont stress, dont worry...but not those 2 tortoises la LOL haha. She said, why dont i just telephone my mum? I said, it's hard to tell her, she has her own problems to worry bout, as a daughter, i should be the one to ease her worries not to bring more to her, and i know she'll worry like hell if i tell her my problems. She got so frantic when i said i'm going to get sick...i wouldnt dare to frighten her further seriously. I want to be manja after EOS, although that's not the way i'm brought up to be. I guess as i grow older, i'm weaker. I wanna be strong, i still have a week's worth of battles to fight next week!

A note to myself: you're not a princess, waiting for the rescue of a knight! You're your own princess and you're your own knight! Remember that! And stay strong, for a lot of ppl are counting on you!

And i just wanna pass next week's EOS. God please help me!!

I Have S-P-L-I-T PERSONALITY

This is a post bout rubbish, it'll only waste your time, so if you have no time to waste, dont read ya!! This is super crappy and i'm just trying to run away from reality for awhile!!

It's a good sign or a bad sign that i finally found out that

I

HAVE

SPLIT

PERSONALITY

aka

SCHIZOPHRENIA

for real!!!

Why, because:

1. hungjen cant stop saying i'm sweet (she probably doesnt know i'm evil)
2. laura keeps saying i'm cute (coz she treat me like a small sister i guess)
3. ...ade, ade, she... she... keeps saying i SMELLS GOOD!! (this is a bit scary right?)
4. KPMS (king peeky meeky of sampatland) said i'm crazy and sampat (ofcoz lar if not how you guys actually drag me in and give me such a slimy nickname?)
5. the medics...cant stop saying i'm naive and innocent -.-'' (and starts giving me grown-up lectures lol)
6. as my own gang....sigh...

Feedback:

• Mich the hell belle said, 'it's a good thing, you should be happy' (she was referring to all those traits)
• Penguin said, 'where got cute? i cuter!' (ofcoz i know that)
• Laiyee said, 'you really too naive dy, so cute also when posing infront of the camera,' (i'm dehydrating)
• Missywhothinkssheisabetterpigthanme said, 'cute is not good,' (perhaps it's true, gals our age, still cute? sweat sweat sweat)
• Jason said, ' innocent maybe, naive, no gua..' (this is prolly the most honest comment)
• Guys in my gang, '... ...' (basically they cant really tell, or they care not LOL)
• Dont dare to ask Khee Chun...sure get bombarded wan...saying me too free to go care bout these things. (true lar, me love to waste my time haha)
• Gals in my gang, '..-silence-... ya lor ya lor!' (this is bad, dont know they really meant it or they are being sarcastic haha)

Yo ho! The conclusion? I really have split personality right? right? in front of different ppl i have different characters because, sweet =/= cute =/= smells good =/= naive, innocent =/= crazy. If these come from same source you can say those are all my traits, but when it's from different sources, that means...SPLIT PERSONALITY wheehee!! LOL

But i know, i am EVIL AND SUPER CRAZY nyek nyek nyek.

Ok la enough crap dy, have to study if not i'll add depression to my personality LOL. (man, i hate to pick up the book!)

Politic is Madness!!

It was really intereting to read all the results from the election, I was awake til 4 haha just to read those results, discussing and talking to Laura and Merv. (about my module, just allow it temporary freedom from the intense stalker beam larh~~)

I'm glad that BN's denied 2/3 majority, let them know that we actually CARE and 'siram' their ego abit...lol. But still, Malaysia's not realy for new government yet.

And dont blame me for not worrying bout the results last night..because first of all, i cant vote yet, and i cant do anything to actually help can i? Thus worrying is really really unnecessary, improbable and improper for me.

Call me ignorant, because i really am. I dont know much bout politics and i dont really remember every single details about them. For me, politic is nasty.

Ok enough crap...i need to sleep...when i'm getting stressed, my eyes just cant open. I can either lie still or i am hyperactive but i can never sit still still and study....

Really cham...eos coming and i'm progressing like...slower than snails...and i cant seem to remember what i studied...T-T God, help me please!!

Going Daffy

Yesh! The title says it all!! I'm going daffy very soon...blame myself for not studying for the past few months and now i'm driving myself up the wall.

I

Am

Having

• Amnesia
• Late Attention Deficit Disorder
• Schizophrenia
• Paranoia
• Bipolar Disorder Type II
• W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R disorders i can find in my DD2 module.

It's scary, the more i try to stuff into my pathetic grey broccoli, the more they get metabolised by all those grey broccoli juice. My brain is POISONOUS!!

I wish i can stay still, sit properly and focus for at least half an hour, but i failed!! I can only read 15 minutes, then my attention sway away. Then i ended up doing unproductive routines!!

The info that's suppose to stay in my brain til eos is so so soooooooooooo MEAGER!! Arghhhhh blame myself for not watering my grey broccoli properly all these months, blame myself for not using good insecticide but let the 'spiders' contaminate my pathetic broccoli. I have only me to blame!!!

It's too late to apologize to my broccoli...sigh {it's too late to apologiiiiiiize, it's too late~~ eh~~ eh~~}

I'm so so restless that i cant grow my broccoli further...ended up:

1. posing with me sunglasses
2. drinking nonstop from me bottle
3. wearing me over knee punk socks
4. obsess with the loco vids on youtube

Dont understand what i blogged? Then dont bother to read it LOL

Somebody just get a M-16 or cooler, Sniper, and just shoot me. Head shot's preferred~!

That's what i call CRAZY!!

To ade,

That's not cute, but CRAZY. Because no cute gal will actually mess up her own room when she's so frust and rearrange the room back like i did, and no cute gal will 'goreng' all her clothes in the cupboard when she's in a bad mood and then refold them nicely back like i did...

BUT...

CRAZY ppl do that...hmm, maybe the thought of me 'goreng' everything that's in my closet amused you a lot haha... i admit, i'm CRAZY haha

How to Activate Our Right Brain?

Since our left brain's pretty much activated, so now it's time to activate the other half...just follow them to activate it:

1. Thinking out of the box, reason: coz we're in the box!
2. Listen to music (shake your butt dear)
3. Try to be different (well, just try to do things that're abnormal, maybe, i think, you cay try wearing your underwear on top of your head!)
4. Playing around with colours!! (maybe, try create new colours? LOL Just decorate yourself with different colours everyday should be enough gua)
5. Brain games (and i already think it's kinda lame, the below example...i mean who wont understand that?)

eg: Gound

______

feet

feet

feet

feet

feet

feet

Enjoy those methods to balance up your brain ya LOL

Latest innovation

Good news to those with weak hand joints or weak muscles...well this only applies to those who're still using this kind of traditional mopper:












The latest innovation (forgive me for not knowing the name as my mum cant recall it):

This mopper proved to be useful enough especially for those with weak hand muscles, hmm, i think elderly will like it. It's light, and easy to use. Unlike the above traditional 'badhair' mopper, you dont need to actually wring it til dry to avoid slippery floor(i still remember when i was in my early teenage, due to small hands and weak grip, i cant wring the traditional mopper dry enough, and had to divide the 'hair' to a few portions to wring them LOL). It works best when it's partially wet. No sweeping prior to mopping is needed, the absorbent material used is good at picking up dust and fine hair, thus it's a 'savior' for lazy people as well haha. However...i dont like the feel you get while mopping the floor, due to its rubber-like adsorbant material, it's a bit hard to push the mopper around, more strength is needed, that's the only drawback i guess. Further trials are needed to test if this new mopper is time-enduring LOL. However it's good enough for my mum! Will get the name as soon and put it up here!

New Blog!

Well, this will be the very first post for my new blog! I've decided to change to blogspot because it seems easier to use, and well, i can link cool sites here and upload unlimited stuff here as well(unlike bravenet, which has limited functions)!! Welcome and enjoy your stay here!