Ambivalent feelings

EOS's finished, the moment Mr David Chong announced that we can all stop working, i had a grin so wide on my face, because i can smell of 'freedom' in the air. Then i was high for few minutes, despite my aching stomach.

Happiness doesnt last long usually. Just when i thought the paper was fine, then everyone came pouring on me how tough the paper was, bursting my bubbles one by one. Checking the modules and MEP just made things worse. Being a chicken as usual, the instance i found that i got 2 wrongs out of the 2 questions i checked, i gave up and just snapped the book close and fearing that how much i actually did wrong that will really lead to another failure!! Cant blame anyone, as i really studied 66 pages, the rest...was sleeping(ehemm, resting) time~~ andDD3 was worse!!

The next moment i was happy again, as my stomach did feel better and the diarrhoea was actually gone.
got fever and gastric since wednesday and because of the latter, i cant even eat anything for the past 2 days. Ate 6 sachets of TCM for the past 24 hours which just eased the pain abit. All my Smecta expired...T.T and i cant find the ranitidine my dad bought me... i was so dizzy and in pain that i was really like a vegetative patient. Lying on the bed, for whole day. Even found it difficult to walk and sit properly. Then thursday afternoon, gastric persisted and diarrhoea followed. Every 2 hours, i had to visit my dear o'toilet! My cater, i could only throw them away, as i cant eat at all those spicy food and saving them has no use. No housemates, Merv's in Cambodia, Tracy's back at hometown. Luckily this morning, Jeannie reminded me something, 100PLUS!! why it didnt occur to me that i can still drink that to balance the electrolytes in my stomach? Though walking towards the shop was a torment. I had to confess, that i wasted a lot of food for the past 2 days. 2 meals was thrown away, the porridge this afternoon was barely touched, the 2 glass of milk i 'bancuh' all half touched, even the 100PLUS was not finished...
Then we were happily discussing bout where to have our meal in conjuction with Kok Pim's Bday tomoro. I was drooling madly when i saw the Kenny Rogers menu. Quarter meal + macaroni & cheese + mashed potatoes + BBQ baked beans + chocolate muffins (thought not a fan of chocolate). Yum~~however,...how-ever, the moment i sapu the muffin, i can feel the protest of my stomach, complaining that i didnt give it enough rest, ranting that i had picked the wrong meal. Couldnt even finish the whole meal. Thanks to Kok Liang, for not wasting my food. Then i go back to bad bad mood again. Walking around the shopping mall for bout half an hour seemed like limping in agony along an endless corridor for me. Back to the state where i cant walk and stand straight...

Sigh~~ suppose to love this day, when i regain my freedom again, but hate the feelings of how i sucked at all my papers and how my stomach has grown weaker by the day. This is the worst exams i ever took. Worse than last semester, though i'm more hardworking during this sem's study weeks. I tengok pecah dy, if need to resit, let it be. History will be made this time. What i worry most is, how i will break my parents' hearts when they know i fail...takde muka to ask money from them to pay for the resit...even though they'll never let me pay on my own. Even if i did not fail, the marks will be horrible...really...blame myself for never trying to be serious in my studies. Blame the stupid idea of being a perfectionist, blame Sem 2, blame meself for being a lousy daughter and student. It's too late to regret.

Perhaps, my dear arch enemy, if you were here, i'll wake up from my hibernation, and start fighting again, start to be serious again, instead of letting laziness overwhelmed me...i lost the mood to do everything...soon, i'll either descend the stairs of evolution to become a pig, or i'll just transform into a zombie...i shall not hold on to the whole perfectionist concept anymore, if not, it's really going to killing me soft and steadily...